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Hello!

I've been..ruminating. I know it's mainly because I have too much timeto think. It seems like that is all I have capacity for lately. If I don't fill my head with distractions, my ears with music or a good podcast, if I don't busy my hands, I find myselfthinking. I konw at this state it's a good sign that I've not yet become a numb stupid consumer and I'm still able to but it's proving uncomfortable. Either I get all imposter-syndromy about all of my close relations or my mind attempts to rationalize my lack of a love life. These days it's easiest to believe I shall die alone. What is a bit more difficult to believe is thaat I have truly made my peace with this.

I'd love nothing more then being uneffected. To be blissfuly aware and in harmony with the lonely life I see in front of me. But I don't think people are built for this. For living in peace with knowlage of fundamentally unpeaceful facts. Of course I find peace in my friends. That is why it scares me when I doubt them too.

Sorry for that. I've become a bit too okay with sharing my deeper thoughts here.

So anyways, at least this place has reliably kept me busy.. I added a few things here and there. Don't think any of them failed too visibly yet. Must say I'm almost proud of how far zero skill has taken me.

I'm currently relistening to The Magnus Archives, which I absolutely adore! And this time it hasn't even scarred me with paranoia, although it may just be that I've built up immunity. Both thanks to tma and Malevolent. That is glaringly obvious in the site's design. My fascination.

Anyways here's my favourite little rant, unfortunately I couldn't find the original artist behind this specific rendition.